It is really exciting when two great ideas can come together to make a third, even better idea. And, idea sex is not only about procreation… can’t we just enjoy being lovers before we jump into making kids together? Procreative maps aside, there is a lot of territory to be covered and minds to be blown.
Good idea sex is a catalyst for state shifts that increase our ability to think and sense. This expanded awareness changes the way we sense our body, environment and each other. In these heightened states of dialog our sense of what is possible could be changed forever.
Sex carries powerful codes for collaboration- codes so potent that they keep inspiring human beings to collaborate even though it can be such a mess. Sexual encounters are often one of the only places that adults get physical and deeply play with each other- tumble around, get tender, rough house, role play, make animal sounds, get silly and touch each other in ways that are non competitive. Organized sports give us some of the same opportunities but they are housed in tighter constraints that produce a winner and a loser. Sex offers us codes for creating mutual pleasure. Sex offers the proposition to get skillful at feeling good together, to learn how to play for the win-win.
Human beings do not like to be dominated unless it is a part of consensual play. Ever try to convince someone else of your righteous stance who did not want to hear it? Generally, when convincing is happening, we are tipping into the territory of sympathetic activation. The nervous system flips us into fight, flight and freeze- and the sympathetic nervous system is not nuanced or romantic. It can very quickly go all the way in response to a subtle stimulation and hijack our blood flow, awareness, and skeletal structure. Everything gets pulled in and condensed in order to become most efficient at battling or evading our way to safety. A sharp contrast to the plump, juicy states that make us want to get close.
One of the foundational codes sexuality brings us is that consent leads to deeper pleasure. When we don’t have to defend ourselves against mental perpetration, we can blossom in our own way and at a sustainable speed. This unhampered feeling of flow makes us more open and creative in the ways we respond to new idea stimulation.
Having great idea sex requires some doing and undoing- skill building and agenda dropping. Many people lean heavily into the doing and create strict containers to move the conversation through. This can do wonders for the felt sense of safety and therefore boost creativity. It can also feel confining depending on how it is held.
Containers are important though, as we can learn from water, one of the most erotically charged, creative beings in existence. Water, who lubricates the deepest of embraces. Water, who is in dialog with it all. In order for the emergence of the complexity of life to continue, water likes to have a container- the Earth, our body, or a river bed for example. If water was just floating around in space, we would not have the density and richness we experience here on earth.
Consent is one of those containers that is constantly shifting. It cannot be assumed that what was wanted two days ago is wanted now. All of the containers water inhabits are constantly changing as well- the weather changes, our bodies age and rivers erode into canyons. There is a constant revision taking place in all the containers that are penetrated by water. The undoing is just as important as the doing. The undoing is crucial to the creative process.
I am often the canary in the conversation shaft. When conversations stay with a really heady container for too long, where the body and imagination seem less welcome, I start to fade out or get triggered. In many learning environments it is expected that we communicate with calculated logic and other forms of intelligence are unseen or shamed. Remember the kid who liked to look out the window and free associate? Likely not so popular with the teacher.
There is a huge opportunity to expand the way we approach communication in both institutionalized learning, our peer to peer dialog, conferences, philosophical debates and more. The Puritan constraints placed upon our idea sex are becoming less and less easy to ignore.
I am feeling the call to start throwing some little Idea Sex parties online to play around with some of the ideas in this entry. Stay tuned.
Disclaimer: After you engage in mind-blowing idea sex, You may feel driven to birth something into the world. It may take over your life and feel like the most important offering you could make. You may tend to it sleeplessly for years. One day, it may take on a life of its own and you will need to let go and allow it to grow and change. And, it may impact the world in unanticipated ways that can never be reversed…
water’s warm… jump in